The subtle art of killing time.
In town that Saturday Norah Blue bumped into Sylvia a
friend of one of her siblings. Sylvia asked her what was she doing in Town.
‘I’m just killing time until I meet Jane,’ Sylvia nose
wrinkled as if she were breathing in methane or mustard gas when Nora said
‘killing time.’
Abruptly Sylvia said:
‘Well I’ll be off,’ and she stalked off to the nearest
charity shop down the way to the Castlegate end.
Nora tried to dismiss the dirty look and the small, no not
small, tiny woman’s dislike she had for those that said killing time as if they
had in some obscure way blasphemed. She thought to go into the charity shop and
apologize say something like I didn’t want to upset you but instead she fumed
for a bit and muttered to herself:
‘What’s wrong with killing time surely it’s better than
wasting time or spending time as if time was coinage.’ In a louder mutter,
‘time isn’t something you could buy or sell’ so she decided:
‘I’ll stick with killing time as it’s much more accurate,
but maybe I should look in Roget’s Thesaurus,’ and smiled at her sarcasm.
She walked to the cross-roads. She knew she wouldn’t make
it across, not without running, before the green man went out, when she made it
to the kerb stragglers were still in road but Norah Blue stood there patiently,
looking down she saw a £1 coin and smiled broadly as she picked it up despite
the brisk, cold wind from the North Sea that carefree blasted on her face
almost sending her hat flying. When the light changed slowly she made her way
across looking down just in case she found a partner to the £1, much to the
annoyance of the hasty bus driver she eventually made it to the other side
before the driver broke rank and ran her over.
To her surprise she found herself in a group of protestors
demanded the Boycott of Barclay’s bank, one handed her a leaflet. She looked
through it and listened to the chants. One of the protestors at the back was
trying to get in the doorway of the bank, but was pushed back by the cops
determined not to let any of them in. She stood there for five minutes watching
as one after another tried to get in but each time the taller, stronger,
determined cops pushed them back to the curb. She was slightly disappointed
that there were only ten protester and she considered joining them, but her
head was turned by the exquisite sounds of a long-haired blonde Japanese
electric guitarist outside HMV, slowly she meandered over and put the pound in
his receptacle of admiration.
This isn’t ‘killing time,’ Miss Sylvie. It’s enjoying time.
She lit up a regal king-size which took her a while in the cold wind until she
found shelter in the doorway of Gregg’s. She sucked in the Regal in the doorway
listening for a while the beautiful noise the Japanese guy played. Drowning out
the protesters. It started to rain so she went under the vestibule of the
Infinity Centre. Being a Saturday bag laden people let her hold the door open
for them, with not a word of Thanks. Inside there were hordes of them and she
wondered if there really was a cost of living crisis.
While she smoked Miss Blue looked at her phone, saw that
she only had an hour and a half left to kill before she met with her daughter,
stubbing out the cigarette in one of few ashtrays on the particular stretch of
shops she thought I will be good and have her as good a day as I’m having. But
the crowds of people she dodged and apologized to was tiring her and then spotted
the noodle bar Helen had vomited outside and she had to call Jane’s adoptive
parents to come and get Helen, Nora had cried that day and glared at the
beautiful people who thought she was a mad old lady and was spoiling their day,
the looks they gave her as if she saw they had just been baptized as a
Satanist.
She went into the Infinity Centre, a gentle man held the
door open for her she thanked him as if she had all the time in the world she
stopped at every pop up stalls one by one with practiced ease, one sold
expensive crystals, others wood carved jungle of animals one she particularly
liked was a giraffe but it was ridiculously expensive but she admired the wood
carvers’ skills, there was cheaper small elephant that would look good in her
collection and she paid the price gladly, perhaps she would give it to Helen
and get another for herself, but she had to keep money back to pay for the
cinema and get Jane a burger after the film, she had her face in her head she
was so beautiful and still little reaching up to her hip, she only saw her
every second month now, and Nora’s excitement was building, she wondered if
Jane had got any taller, last time she’d seen her daughter had put on weight
and that had made her sad, she was still at Primary School, her so-called
adoptive parents were feeding her too much. Nora said to herself she should
give them a hard time, but they’d probably ignore her.
Less than an hour until she saw Jane now and her excitement
built up, buoyed and walking lightly as the floor of the centre was covered in
cotton wool she made it down the thirty steps to the toilet wondering if she
would get back up the steps once she’d peed however she did, slow as an old
woman she was not quite yet, but it killed some time, but irritatingly three
kids and heavily laden grandmother bumped into her as she reached the tops and
almost slipped back, they barged by at her side without a ward of apology.
Breathless she went to the new blue plastic moulded seat
and reached it before someone else could steal it from her. Slowly she managed
to regulate her breathing and took a book out of her bag, an Anne Enright she
was halfway through, but because of the noise in the Infinity Centre she
couldn’t concentrate so marked the page
and put it back in her bag.
She wondered if it was Christmas that no-one had let her
know it was Christmas, but she was sure Christmas was two month away, it’s
supposed to be a cost of living crises - these crowds obviously had so much
money they didn’t give the pan handlers a penny.
Soon now, she smiled as she checked the time on her phone,
resting she concentrated the people passing: couples with kids; other kids
without their parents shouting and scarily involved in play fights; everywhere
there were women with red dyed-hair of all the colours of the rainbow, emos in
pink-hair all black with chains and disgusting tattoo’s one every spare piece
of flesh. an army of middle-aged men heading for the Lewis’ sale and women with
fixed determination in their eyes avoiding the male gaze. Time seemed like a TV
show on fast forward, and dizzied Nora’s eyes.
Then she saw when crowds parted a teenage lassie by the
hole in the wall, she was crying and at the same looking around then a
well-dressed, immaculate man approached, the girl’s sobbing intensified she
looked like a wean who’d never got what she wanted. The gentleman asked her if
she was OK. Although Norah couldn’t hear
what they were saying it was obvious what was going, the actress was laying it
on thick, her false face wet with tears, the gentleman was taken in. She looked
fifteen but was probably thirteen she managed to control her sobs the look of
palpable relief spoke on his face, and she told him of what a terrible day
she’d had, she’d been robbed she was trying to contact her mum but she wasn’t
answering, could he give her some money. I’ll pay you back, she undoubtedly
told him, I’ll give you my address. He fell for it and when he took out his
wallet, her eyes fixed on it then quick as a cobra she grabbed his wallet and
ran. Norah thought I could’ve told him what would happen minutes ago, The girl
legged it to the steps down to the car park. He started to chase after her,
but, Nora thought, you’ve nay chance. And Nora laughed at the tragi-comedy she
just witness free of charge. Hope, she thought, Helen doesn’t turn out like that
when she grows up. She tutted and tutted guilty that she had laughed so loud.
Nora now was over-heated
and crowded by the other shoppers. The plastic chair had begun to have
her sweaty so she levelled herself onto her feet looked at her phone again and
her heart sank, the telephone exhorted cruelly that there was still an hour
until she saw her daughter.
Had time stopped? It had been at an hour away when sat down
and she felt she’d been there an hour itself. She had to think about what she
could do to kill this extra hour, but couldn’t think of anything, but she
looked forward to the meal they’d have and the animated film they’d see and
heart almost broken lifted a little.
She took the forty steps where across the road at the
bottom of steps was the Disunion Square as she called it during the Scottish
Independence Referendum.
There before she crossed of an unhappy looking homeless guy
who was invisible at least to the people in front of her, but when Nora got to
the pavement she told him what a rascal his dog was beside him was and pulled
out an unopened packet of biscuits and put it beside the recycled old McDonalds
cup with 5p at the bottom. He looked at her as
if she’d given him the Black Death, poor thing she thought.
Further along the pavement there was set of traffic lights,
on the far side there were at huge group of people straining at the leash, for
the green mannie to light and when it did they rushed over into Nora’s path a
brightly clothes wall of flesh, she felt as invisible as the homeless guy, she
tried to get out of their way and missed the lights and stood as impatiently as
they to cross the road. But, it killed some time. As she was crossing a car
blared it’s horn at her and made her jump in fright. Safely over the road she
recalled she had all the Nero loyalty card stamps and was due a free coffee.
Slowly she walked by the smokers outside the Disunion
Square and went into the new Nero’s she
hadn’t been in before. Inside it seemed over-heated and even more crowded than
the Infinity Centre, but she put herself in the queue and watched the barista’s
as well-practiced swiftly worked the queue down to Nora, the was a tall black
guy and another fatter in comparison black guy who seemed to be doing all the
work, the two lassies behind the counter looked lost as if it were their first day at the job, he’d made
three flat whites for some grumpy tourists fresh from the train station across
the entrance to the Arcade, while the lassies made an expresso between
them.
She had thought about getting a gift card for Helen, she’s
too young she told herself. Those two better not have been letting her drink
coffee. She’s too young. Too young she wanted to shout at Helen’s adoptive
parents, but they weren’t there for her to shout at, scream at.
She gave one of the new girls her Loyalty card and asked
for a double expresso, with milk on the side.
She looked round for a seat holding tightly the tray there
were none nearby so she cautiously went to the back of the coffee shop, all the
leather upholstered seats and tables were occupied except for one under a
window. She poured the milk in to the black liquid and stirred three sugars.
Everybody seemed to be speaking so loudly, across the way a
young woman was oblivious to the world around her on her laptop, further away
an angry man was chiding who Nora presumed was car mechanic who hadn’t fixed
his car properly.
At a table under another window three Chinese woman were
laughing giddily at what Nora hadn’t a clue but it must’ve been incredibly
funny by their reaction. All the rest were doom scrolling on their phones as if
they had nothing better to do. One of the Chinese woman shrieked with hilarity
getting on Nora’s nerves she sounded like someone playing a saw on a Stradivarius,
angrily she slurped down her coffee and got out of there. At least it was free.
She stood by a bin and lit up her penultimate Regal.
She looked about her, cigarette butts were everywhere.
Look, she shouted inside, there’s a bin there and just over there were the
blind?
Thirty minutes until she’d see Helen’s pretty face, yet she
eyed every passing kid to make sure they weren’t her daughter, some looked like
her, but on closer inspection, disappointedly dismissed them all.
She pointedly stubbed out her cigarette into the bin and
went in the Disunion Square.
Seemed cooler in here than she had been all afternoon, and
spacious as if the world had gone to bed early. She took the escalator towering
over a Costas, up to the first floor where all the restaurants and the cinema’s
were.
She dismissed almost all the restaurants, as she had done
with the children who looked vaguely like her daughter, as she past them, one
had intolerable food another they had been in too many times, others that had
bad memories for her and stopped to look at the advertisements outside the cinema
to see what was on, then went in and used the machine, Helen had told how to
use it.
Her feet were sore, but some kids had taken over the
massage chairs outside the foyer so she went over to the bar and ordered a
second expresso this time with no milk. Apart from herself the bar was empty
even the vast foyer with it popcorn machines and rows of sweeties was almost
empty except for the young woman who checked the tickets before going in - once
she’d seen the lassie in the street she’d completely ignored Nora – she’d do
the same to her today as if she were nothing.
Stupidly she had chosen to sit on a high stool at the bar
and wobbled about a bit and as her coffee arrived the shrill of the phone in
her bag on the floor echoed in the lonely foyer. She almost tipped over onto
the sticky floor in her haste to answer it, when she saw who was calling she
almost wept.
‘I’m sorry Nora.’ He said. ‘Helen’s sick.’ Nora could hear the
woman in the background saying:
‘Tell her she’s been in and out of the toilet since six.’
Nora wanted to scream and break her phone on the cheap
marbled bar.
‘Yeah.’ He said distracted. ‘Helen’s really bad she won’t
be able to meet you.
Nora hung up.
She ordered a vodka straight and sipped it slowly as if it
was time and looked at her phone.
Only 35,712 hours until I see her. Plenty of time to kill.
She hid her phone in her pocket and ordered another vodka, a double this time.
No ice.
No comments:
Post a Comment